I told her I didn’t want to. Well, that would be a lie, because of course Dick ain’t gonna refuse getting laid. But in the middle of an amusement park and at the risk of getting caught and facing possible criminal charges? My two heads were at a dire conflict. Could you stop stroking my pants, please? I’m trying to think.

Down a little bit north of Salt Lake City, there’s a smaller amusement park called Lagoon, which is Utah’s family-friendly (read: Mormon-owned) answer to the big franchise theme parks like Six Flags. The park itself is very well-kempt, although it suffers from a lack of jaw-dropping rides as well as a lack of well-functioning ones, too. But this is besides the point. There’s a little portion of the park called Pioneer Village stuck in the far corner of the park, and it’s sole purpose was to try to inform the general public (read: rich white Mormon families) about the days of colonization and settling the West in yesteryear. It’s chock full of small wooden cottages recreating some of the familiar scenes you would have beheld had you lived in the 19th century (that’s the 1800s for you illiterate folk/dumbasses out there). Among some of the diplays in this Pioneer Village was an old dentist’s office, an old barber shop, a gun display, and a carriage display.

And it was during our tour through the carriage display that this girl I was with thought of the crazy idea to bone in one of the carriages. Granted, the carriages were semi-protected from the outside, although all it would take for a blonde-haired, blue-eyed family of six was a closer look inside.

“Fuck no! Can’t you just wait till we get back to the hotel room? It’s got a jacuzzi that you can just pretend is a carriage. Deal?”

“Baby. We are fucking right there, right now. I want you so bad, baby. I’m…not wearing any panties.”

“I, uh…can see that.” Damn. “Umm, I guess it’ll be okay. Although, the last thing I want is the Headless Horseman popping out of the trunk while I’m balls deep.”

“Baby, it’ll be ok. It’ll be fun. Just lie down right inside that one and I’ll do the rest.”

I look around one more time to make sure the coast is clear, swallow the lump in my throat, and send a silent prayer upwards as I climb into the ancient, rickety thing. I’ll consider it a miracle if this thing doesn’t crumble apart by the time we’re done.

Approximately 3.9 seconds later, my pants are at my ankles and my knob’s getting polished. She’s giving me a whole new meaning to the term “road head". I’ve still got my head up, looking for any sign of trouble. I just know a police task force is gonna pop out behind the other carriages and arrest (and probably beat) my ass. Last thing I need is a felony rape charge or something ridiculous like that.

“Baby, stop worrying. You’re still limp and nervous. Nobody knows we’re in here.” She gives me an evil smirk as she slides her shorts down slowly. “Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride, baby.”

Fuck me. What’s a man supposed to do?

Approximately 0.196 nanoseconds later, I’ve got her bent over the seat as I slowly start to push it in. She lets out a small whimper as she realizes my…"full potential". I pull it back out almost all the way, give it a little dramatic pause, and then slam it back in and wail away. Hard. She lets out a yelp, but covers her mouth. I’m afraid half of Utah probably heard us. But there’s no turning back now.

She’s grabbing her ass cheek, looking back at me. “Oh, God. I like it hard. Don’t you fucking stop.” I’m slamming it in and out even harder now, and I can hear the fwap fwap fwap of my balls slapping up against her. Her face is up against the seat, and her cheek is smushed as she’s panting with desire. I grab a handful of hair with one hand and a handful of tit with the other. I pull on her hair and squeeze her nipple at the same time, and she starts moaning with lust. “Fuck me, baby. Fuck me harder!”

Ok then!

I shift leverage mid-pump with nary a pause (yes, I am a master) and really start throwing my back into it, hard. I’ve got a handful of hair, and my other hand is in the air, waving my imaginary cowboy hat around, yelling “yeeeehaw!”

Now I know what it must have been like for the settlers back in the day. Although minus the hat and a line of 4 other polygamous wives in eager anticipation to get sexed up.

Lucky Mormon fucks.

I shift my weight a little higher to maximize stimulation in her spot (you ladies know which one), and I reach around and start stimulating her love button at the same time. She’s surprised by the move. She likes it. “Oh. Good…God. Just like…that.” She screams. Loudly.

Wave after wave of relentless orgasm washes over her entire body, and I can feel her stomach and pussy contracting. Her body is full of that crazy tingling sensation, I can feel it. It instantly sends me right over the edge, and I explode over and over again inside her whilst in the middle of her throes of passion. The world stops, and suddenly it’s just me and her in a peaceful white void, together as one.

She’s still panting, looking back at me and laughing.

I’m laughing, too.

By Robert Shagwell | Jul 20, 2005 | Permalink |