There’s this small talent agency on the corner, and this small Asian man in his 40s comes through the door, saying he’s got the greatest act anybody’s ever seen! The talent agent looks at him and asks him what it’s about. The Asian man, a small, thin, ugly man with a shitty Asian handlebar mustache tells him it’s nothing like he’s ever seen before – it’s a family act. The talent agent raises an eyebrow, painfully remembering the awkardness of the Betsy and Mary-Ann Keebler sisters juggling wine glasses at each other and cutting themselves very, very badly.
He’s seen a million of these “family acts” before, and they are always fucking terrible. The Asian man assures him it’s one-of-a-kind, telling him his family is downstairs in the lobby waiting. The talent agent figures it’s either this or masturbating into the microwave-heated bottle of peanut butter for the sixth time today.
“Fine, go ahead. Let’s see it.”
The Asian man steps out on stage, puts on a blindfold, and proceeds to strip buck-ass naked. For some reason, he has an unbelievably monstrous 14″ black cock (which is a rare occurence in the Asian community, by the way). He lays on the floor naked as the day he was born, and his huge erection sticks straight up over a foot into the air. Out comes his wife, who is this absolutely stunning Icelandic goddess with huge fake tits bolted to her chest. She drops her trenchcoat, revealing her completely nude body. There’s not a single hair on her entire body save for her long blonde hair. She lowers herself and starts fucking her husband right there on the stage.
While they’re fucking and sucking, their 13-year-old son comes out, who looks nothing like his parents. He actually looks completely Jewish. Big nose and everything. He drops his trousers as well, only to reveal a monstrous black penis just like his father’s! While his mom is fellating his father, he approaches his mother from behind and starts fucking is mom’s ass hard – with his huge fucking Jewish nose.
While they’re all fucking and sucking, the daughter (who’s strangely pure Hispanic) wheels out out the grandmother on a wheelchair, kicks her in the teeth, off the wheelchair and onto the floor, and then finally steals the hubcaps from the wheelchair. The grandmother’s back splinters like a toothpick, and she’s unable to get up. The daughter lights up a cigarette and gives it to grandma.
The mom, in an unbelievable act of strength and concentration, lights her own nipples on fire and picks up her son and husband and sets them on her shoulders ass-to-ass with their huge schlongs hanging out, as she steps onto the wheelchair and slowly starts spinning in place. While she carefully spins, the son and the father each bend over and give each other handjobs with one hand while simultaneously giving the reach-around with the other.
Meanwhile, the grandma pulls her moo-moo back and starts shooting smoke rings out of her decrepit old cunt over the entire spectacle, while the daughter simultaneously bends over, aims, and shoots ping-pong balls out of her ass precisely through the smoke rings and directly into her brother’s and father’s mouths, alternately. This continues for a good while; spinning nipples-on-fire masturbation reach-around mouth-catching-ass-projected-ping-pong-balls-through-smoke-rings-shot-from-grandma’s-filthy-old-cunt, until they all collapse into a big pile of sweat, shit, and semen and start fucking and sucking each other. The son starts fucking his sister while the father fucks the wife, then they all yell “Hup!” in unison and kinda do a little bunny hop over one, and the son starts fucking his own mother while the father starts fucking his own mother.
For the grand finale, they all perform a circlejerk over grandma, but here’s the kicker: grandma’s dead. They all take a bow while wiping the shit, blood, sweat, semen, and tears from their mouths. They’re all panting, with that “eh? eh??” look on their faces. The Asian father steps forward, panting, and pleads the talent agent for his approval.
“I have never seen anything like this in my entire life! What do you call your act?”
The Asian man says, “The Aristocrats!”
By Robert Shagwell | Oct 7, 2005 | Permalink |
